I stare into the corner of my room as I bring a cup of tea towards my lips, the empty silence contrasting with the flourishing thoughts in my mind - thoughts with no coherence or proper consistency.
I’ve spent a lot of time with these erratic thoughts this past month or so, about the beauty and horror of life, and I think I may finally be able to place them into words.
This earth doesn’t allow us enough time, robbing us of experiences with people we would have loved to continue growing alongside. It angers me, why do people have to leave? It saddens me, why can’t they be a part of my future that I so desperately wanted to share? It confuses me, I thought everything was going to be okay. All these thoughts make me feel stupidly naive sometimes.
Nonetheless, the limitation on years, months, and days you may have with somebody makes those memories far more tangible and raw - I now feel a responsibility to live every day with the most love, happiness, and freedom possible.
'Live every day like it’s your last'. What a stupid phrase, I used to think. Yet, it’s true, life works in complex ways that we cannot possibly prepare ourselves for.
Truthfully, I’ve lived numerous years of my life in fear, anxiety, and pessimism - preparing myself for the worst in every situation no matter how minuscule. However, the thought of reflecting back on my life in decades time to only see such a limited life would destroy me.
Please go out there and experience the love, heartbreak, laughter, and tears this life has to offer us. Emotions, no matter how positive or negative are far better than restricting yourself from feeling anything at all.
Lastly, cherish those around you, as your paths may only intertwine for so long.
‘I think it's nice that we share the same sky.’
‘What'd you mean?’
‘Well, like... Sometimes at playtime, I look up at the sky and if I can see the sun then... I think that the fact that we can both see the sun, so even though we're not actually in the same place and we're not actually together... we kind of are in a way, you know?’
- Aftersun, 2022.
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